MATHEMS
by LazerTH
Summary: Madness attacks the head even more slowly in this parody of Megaman X5.
1. Souvenirs

MATHEMS

Madness Attacking The Head Even More Slowly

Author's note:

I think in the last parody I made fun of Megaman X4 and somehow involved Hannah Sears (a.k.a. Crimson Huntress, go read her fanfics) to whom Zero gave a beam saber. There was also political intrigue in that the Maverick Wars were once confined to Japan under Capcom's© control but, because one errant Maverick broke the mold, the Mavericks followed suit and attacked the whole planet this time around. I mean, how else do you account for ALL the Wars being in an isolated location from X1-X4, and then suddenly you are confronted with a world map from X5 onwards? Madness, I tell you.

888

Due to the weapon being illegal for private ownership in her home state of Pennsylvania, Hannah decided to use it in her front yard that was about three acres and boasted a small fruit tree orchard. Moreover, it was away from the road and prying eyes, so Hannah played with her beam saber without the nagging threat of being incarcerated.

"Look! It makes tracks in the grass!"

"You're setting the lawn on fire."

"But it's _pretty!"_

Her sister Sarah turned up her nose at this and instead squeezed her gigantic penguin plushie that the Maverick Hunter, Rank B had given her as consolation to their home being wrecked by a certain flaming Maverick.

"How long are you going to do that? You're wasting the batteries!"

"It uses Duracell, and I've got plenty," Hannah smirked, drawing on the grass with the searing green beam. Its temperature was half that of the sun's surface, but Duracell has been used in Bon Jovi's microphone in concert, and that requires several magnitudes more power to maintain, especially if he sings "It's My Life". Sarah got bored after a while and returned to their house which had tarpaulin as a substitute for a roof and wall.

Hannah completed her picture and scampered up a branch to look at it. Yes, it was an acceptable drawing of Zero's head, now forever ingrained in her yard until it rained.

888

Eurasia colony: the first outer-space 'home away from home'. Its funding was on a national level, uniting many Earth nations in a common goal to colonize the great unknown. These facts were well known by the handsome reploid who, with white hair swishing behind his X-Men© Cyclops visor, took a casual stroll to the engineering bay. The foreman there met him with curiosity.

"I haven't seen your model before. What are you?"

"You can say that I'm a PR expert," he said, words flowing as smooth and cool as his suave demeanour.

"Oh, then what protocol have you come to enforce?"

"A private stockholder's," he smiled, "Previous leader of the Maverick Hunters, Commander Sigma."

The alarm on the foreman's face was dimmed by a purple energy blade through his midsection. The handsome reploid then executed the other engineers, destroyed the gravity stabilizers, took care to put out the subsystems and disconnect emergency power supplies. His client was, naturally, most knowledgeable about dropping fortresses and space stations alike. The specialized Virus his client had provided was already running rampant through the environs. While the Eurasia colony deviated from orbit, he magnetically sealed all escape pods except the one he boarded. Satisfied he had fulfilled all conditions specified by his client he kicked back, relaxed and had a smoothie.

888

Golden ponytail rippling in his wake, the Red Ripper hacked a path through the city street. Sigma had appeared here, causing bedlam at the Loreena McKennit statue construction site. X had gone before without returning word, hence his current mission to find both. Locating the obvious purple and white garage doors, Zero ran into the stereotyped rectangular arena of doom to find X struck down and his Fourth Armour shattered.

"Tough night?" Zero offered. Teeth grit, X pointed at Loreena McKennit's head. Cracks spiderwebbed the likeness until a gigantic floating Sigma head emerged from it.

"Oh. Is _that_ all. You do drag now, Siggy?"

"**Bwa ha ha ha ha! Now I shall destroy you both!"**

"Give it up, Siggy. You _know_ that the initial assault never succeeds."

"**Then I will send my choreographed army of Mavericks!"**

"Those don't succeed, either."

"**Behold my oral cavity of DOOM!"**

Sigma opened his mouth to reveal his dental doom ray. Not wishing to find out what lay on the other end of the tunnel, Zero scooped up X and scaled the wall until the beam had dissipated.

"Guess what your weak point is!"

Zero jammed his beam saber into the selfsame weapon until internal explosions scattered the Sigma head to component parts. Unlike previous introductory boss battles, a large quantity of ghostly, smaller Sigma heads poured out of the wreckage and zoomed off to parts unknown. Blinking at this, Zero considered his fallen counterpart.

"Need a bandaid?"

The corners of X's mouth turned down.

"He broke my pretty armour."

"Don't worry. Your dad knits you a new suit for every war."

"Uh huh. I have the best wardrobe manager ever."

"Yes, although he does his best to never be found. C'mon, let's find out who our new friends are."

"_X! Zero!"_

"We're fine, Alia, stop calling us."

"_It's not that! Some sort of virus has infected the planet! It's royally screwing EVERYTHING!"_

"That was a load-bearing boss? Oh, damn. Well, there's only one solution to this kind of madness."

X nodded.

"Board games."

888

"Jenga!"

"No!"

Zero disdained the tumbled pile of wood. Whether it was finer tuning in his inertia inhibitors or better programming of his motor functions, X won the tenuous balance game every time. Neither had breathed and they were in the silent staff lounge, so no passing breeze or jarring footstep had interfered.

"You owe me twenty credits."

"Let's play Pazaak."

"This isn't Star Wars. Stop crossing genres!"

Zero dropped the shiny cards on the table.

"You never win in games of chance."

X grimaced.

"I _was_ programmed to be a pacifist. Then I spent my active life at war with my spawn."

"War is peace," Zero jibed, flipping a 10 card followed by a Double, scoring a perfect 20 on his first turn. X gaped.

"You have Scoundrel's luck."

"I would be a Jedi. If anything, you'd be a Mandalorian."

"You know how utterly off-topic that is?" the pacifist objected, "Besides, Mandalorians are vicious, live for battle…"

"And what do you do, flower arrangement?"

"You could say I'm a reluctant Mandalorian."

Alia's irritating voice chose to blare throughout the Maverick Hunter base at that time.

"_Death Star approaching orbit… uh… gods damn it, Signas! Stop changing the cue cards! Ugh… scramble all humans and reploids! Eurasia colony is falling from space! 16 hours til impact!"_

The brothers in arms exchanged glances.

"Do we destroy it with X-Wings?"

"I was thinking along the lines of that big fricken' laser cannon we have out back," Zero ruminated, "Been using it to barbeque."

"You have barbeques in the back yard?" X said, pouting.

"You're a vegetarian, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I guess Dr. Light was a hippie."

888

The wide-screen TV in central command displayed the ranks of Mavericks.

"Why the HELL did we auction off parts for the laser AND shuttle on eBay!" Alia roared. Signas looked down at his leather chaps, thought discretion is the better part of valor, and sat down to hide them.

"We need to kill the Mavericks who own them in order to rebuild the particle cannon and shuttlecraft."

"How about we purchase them at cost price?" X suggested.

"No. We are Maverick Hunters, not hagglers, and we will never stoop so low as to beg."

"Question!" Zero piped up, "How can an artificial colony, built from material not five percent of the Earth's total mass, destroy the planet?"

Alia explained, "The Colony is carrying _another _version of the Sigma Virus. The 'Earth' Virus is already affecting human and reploid health. If the Earth and Colony Viruses merge… it will mean utter annihilation of all life, human and reploid alike, no matter where they are. Earth will be devoid of sentient life."

Zero nodded slowly.

"I hate science. When do we start the killing?"

"Right away," Signas interjected, "Look here, now they're all over the planet instead of one convenient area!" Signas lamented, "Ever since Dragoon broke the borders of Japan in the last war…"

"I suggest Russia, first," Alia interrupted as usual, "Grizzly Slash is escaping on a convoy of trucks."

"What the hell is it with Mavericks and large armoured vehicles?" complained Zero, "Have we had a war _without_ a tank or a train or some kind of floating fortress?"

"Those are the Mavericks compensating for short legs," X pointed out. Zero reminisced. That Boba-Fett clone, Wheel Gator, Gravity Beetle and Storm Owl _did_ have short legs and rode exceptionally massive vehicles.

"Dress warmly, Zero."

"I'm not going to get ice in my hair!"

X grumbled, "Fine. I'll just go tear apart Mavericks in a frigid wind at a hundred miles an hour, shall I?"

"Good boy. Bring back souvenirs."


	2. Acceleration

A fuzzy Cossack hat clamped over his auditory sensors, X braved the Russian gale that buffeted him while he hopped from truck to truck on the convoy.

"Ninety-nine crazy Irregulars on the truck, ninety-nine crazy Irregulars…"

He decommissioned a pesky turret that had a habit of guarding large transport.

"Shoot one down, smash it around, ninety-eight crazy Irregulars on the truck…"

"_X!"_

"Jesus Christ, Alia! Stop calling me! I don't love you anymore!"

"_You have to destroy the core of that truck to advance!"_

"Can't I give them free tickets to a Lakers game?"

"_No! You have to destroy the cores! It's vital to the mission!"_

"But the truck's gonna crash into that parked one a little ways ahead."

The parked driver, who was enjoying his Smirnoff pit stop, saw the barrage of trucks barreling towards him. Deciding his cargo of cereal boxes was less important than his life, he dove for cover.

"_What?" _Alia persisted.

"I said it's gonna…"

**FWAM**

"_CRAAAAAASH!" _

The vehicle went from a hundred to zero in half a second, catapulting the blue Hunter a few hundred yards before he skidded to a halt on the frozen ground.

"Ow! My knees! They burn!"

"_X! Are you okay?"_

"No! I just braked with my legs after a death-defying leap!"

"_The base is just ahead. Will you make it?"_

"Woman, _please._ I don't even blink when trapped on an exploding space station."

"_Well, bring back the Cossack hat. I think it looks cute on you."_

X stopped dead.

"You are _NOT_ coming onto me, Alia!"

Click.

"_Alia! I _demand _you reestablish this connection so that I may express my extreme dislike for you! Alia!_ Damn it."

As if an army of Irregulars wasn't bad enough, the most annoying comm. operative in HQ had just paid him a flirtatious comment.

"I do not have any fangirls and I _never will!"_ he yelled while peppering startled reploids with hot plasma, "I will _not_ go the way of Sephiroth! My voice is an octave too high to qualify! _Nothing_ about me is sexy!"

Somewhere amidst the angst and explosions he spied a ledge a little ways above him.

"Le gasp! An out-of-the-way alcove! It must surely hold…"

He dash-jumped.

"An _armour capsule!"_

He inserted a coin and pressed continue.

"_Hello, X. Nice hat. A colleague of mine wore one."_  
"Hi, Dad."

"_I made new…"_

"Yeah, yeah; same old, same old. Don't tell me… an air dash upgrade?"

"_Why, yes. You know my pattern, do you?"_

"We are related, you know."

He hopped in, was zapped, and stepped out the same as before.

"The _hell?_ I did the kickass pose and everything!"

"_Oh, for the purposes of security, I've sequence-locked all armour parts until you receive the full Falcon suit."_

X nearly had an aneurysm.

"_Security purposes?_ Hello? Are we on the same team? I _need_ armour pieces _now!_ I can't effectively slay evil without upgrades! You know that better than I do!"

"_Yes, X, but due to the spread of the Maverick Virus, it's much easier for it to infiltrate my isolated armour capsules. There is a high chance that, if you were to activate one at a time, they would be corrupted. Therefore, I added a security subroutine that guards against infection when all parts are united."_

"Jeebus. You never heard of Norton Antivirus? I'll be going now."

"_Always wear protection, X."_

"Yeah, I'll… HEY!"

Dr. Light fizzled out with a chuckle.

"All right, _who else_ wants to make fun of me?"

Fuming thus, X ransacked the hidden base until he found Grizzly Slash gnawing trout in his little cave.

"Comrade!" boomed the bear's commie accent, "I do not appreciate the destroying of the train, yes?"

X glared and aimed his arm cannon.

"You. Gun. Face. _Now."_

The bear's eyes became bloodshot as he thundered, "FOR ZE MUZZERLAND!" but he was too big, too heavy and his crescent beams too slow for the small nimble Hunter, who teleported out barely a minute after the shooting began.

888

At Hunter base, Alia received a flying Cossack hat to the face. It is rumoured that she wore it behind closed doors and giggled, but nobody likes a gossiper, so let's move on.

"Status?"

"Fifteen hours left before Eurasia erases Earth!"

"What the bloody hell?" X choked, "I spent less than ten minutes taking out the train AND its boss!"

Signas grabbed X and shook him.

"IT ACCELERATED!"

"Gah! Okay! Okay! Leggo!"

While Signas went to a corner to cry, Zero leaned on Alia's chair.

"Uh… who's vulnerable to Grizzly's special weapon?"

"I dunno. You got the generic spinning slash, so it's anybody's guess."

"Right. In the last war it wasn't effective against anything at all."

The main screen turned on and the winning smile of a reploid with white hair and black armour beamed at them all.

"Hello ladies! Before long, I will attack the Hunter Base… Aw, are Mr. X and Mr. Zero there? Please play with me! I'm really bored…"

X held the perfect WTF expression on his face. While processing this latest threat, Alia's comm. console beeped. She touched her headset microphone.

"Maverick Hunter Headquarters… sir! Yes, sir! We are aware, sir!"

Her face became paler. She sat up ramrod straight as she listened.

"Right away, sir!"

Zero was intrigued.

"The President?"

"Worse, Long John Silver's chain of seafood restaurants."

Zero drew a perfect blank.

"Eh?"

"Duff McWhalen is in the Icelandic ocean. That area is known for their fish and delicious shrimp. With the hydrogen Duff's manufacturing from the seawater, he can use his own fusion core to make a hydrogen bomb. But if he screws up…"

"The entire arctic ocean will become irradiated."

That meant the death of all sea creatures in that ocean and the downfall of Long John Silver's chain of restaurants along the western Atlantic coast, because the Atlantic current ran directly through the area Duff controlled.

"Get moving, Zero! I want my jumbo shrimp to be safe!"

"Oh, sure, and saving the world is my second priority."

Alia grabbed his arm and yanked him to her so he could see her urgent, no-nonsense expression: "Life has no flavour without shrimp."

888

He was finicky about the effect of cold water on his hair, but Alia's next message committed him to the mission: _"There is a Maverick submarine passing through this area, carrying an illegal U-555 uranium element. That means Duff will have the capability of making _two_ bombs!"_

"Radiation is worse than cold water. Maverick Hunter Zero, engaging the enemy."

Spoken like a true warrior, he proceeded to walk the talk, beam saber lighting up the aquatic cave.

"Wait… what? Why is the background music a remix of Bubble Crab's? If Capcom had a low budget, why did they make a game? Are we here just for PROFIT?"

"_Stop breaking the fourth wall, Zero."_

"But I like it."

U-555 made an entrance, spitting lethal energy bolts and chasing him with missiles.

"Another thing: how does my saber work underwater? How does X fire underwater? How do the plasma and laser beams from that blasted submarine do that? Spiderman 2 proved that a fusion reaction can be drowned!"

"_It's just a game. Stop taking it so seriously."_

"You're all conspiring against me."

"_Why yes. Capcom pays the bills."_

"If they hadn't funded Dr. Cain in the first place, none of this would have happened!"

"_But then there'd only be you and X, and that's no fun."_

"Ugh. I think they funded Dr. Light and Dr. Wily, too. Blasted video game company."

"_Stay the course, Zero."_

Chasing the submarine along the undulating seabed, Zero employed the Crescent Blade's huge attack radius to nullify its attacks. As he and X shared similar learning capabilities, they transferred data seamlessly even when one defeated a Boss and the other did not. However, as they _were_ different models, they interpreted data differently, resulting in his current beam saber skill.

Dropping into a sunken ship to shelter from the relentless assault, he noticed a bomb through the cracks in the floor. He couldn't reach it, so he contacted X.

"_McWhalen must have stashed it there, so it should react to his weapon. I'll investigate those coordinates with it when you're done."_

"Your confidence in me is touching. Zero, out."

By raising the water temperature of the boss room, McWhalen was relaxing in his sauna.

"So many third world countries… so little uranium... until U-555 arrives."

"HELLO, SAILOR!"

"Wark!"

The sub in question smashed through the wall, Zero riding the prow with his saber wedged into the control unit.

"You sent your sub to pester me throughout the whole area, so I'm returning it!"

"My sauna! My house! You _imbecile!"_ shrieked Duff, shaking off debris, "Your saber could perforate the uranium core of the sub!"

"You first."

Blubber lined the walls before the Hunter departed.


	3. Testing

While innocently writing her name in the air with brilliant beam saber arcs, men dressed in black suits and wearing Ray-Ban© sunglasses stormed past the tarpaulin of her partially collapsed home and grabbed both her arms.

"Squah! What is this! I know my rights! I have power of attorney! I have a baseball bat in my room to beat your head in!"

"You are charged with illegal possession of Capcom merchandise without the proper credentials."

"George Lucas came up with the idea for lightsabers! You cheapskates copy Star Wars!"

"You shall come with us."

"What? Why? Just take the damn saber!"

"Apparently you aren't aware that the person cannot be separated from the crime. You possessed it, not the other way around."

"Zero gave this to me! He thought it was okay!"

They paused to confer amongst themselves.

"He is the anomaly."

"Shall we continue?"

"Yes. After all, he is only… a robot."

"Zero isn't just a robot!" Hannah shrilled, "He's more human than you suits!"

"Let's go."

"Ack! Stop!" she yelled, "Wimpy! Sparky! Smokey! Attack!"

Her fat gray cats yawned and went back to sleep. Wimpy batted at a sofa skirt. Humans were so boring, even when their mistress was dragged off kicking and screaming. Sarah poked her head through the door to see what the commotion was about, and did the next logical thing. Phone in hand, she said, "Operator? Can you give me the number to the Maverick Hunter HQ in Japan? Of course I want to call collect!"

888

"Y'know, Chuck Norris could defeat all the Mavericks at once with a roundhouse kick to the face. We should hire him to do this," X commented after returning with the Falcon body armour.

"Chuck Norris does not fight robots, only angry men with guns."

"Chuck Norris would kick your ass."

"Chuck Norris does not kick ass, he kills."

"Enough Chuck Norris facts!" Alia pleaded, "We only have fourteen hours left!"

"Cry me a river," Zero said deadpan. X went over to Signas' corner and kicked him in the shins.

"Stop crying!"

"But we're under attack! My job is so stressful!"

Leather chaps slapping his thighs, Signas retreated. Dumbfounded, the rest paid attention to the security cameras that showed a handsome reploid with unblemished white hair calmly cutting down HQ security personnel.

"The frag?" Zero objected, "Shiny hair is MY shtick!"

"I'll get him. You have salt to comb out."

"Right. I have to let the conditioner take effect before it's ruined completely."

"Be careful!" Alia warned, "He's not like the other Mavericks or Irregulars!"

"If you come onto _him _as well, so help me Chuck Norris, I will slap you," X cautioned before scrambling. Alia rolled her eyes to the zenith, asking, "Why me?"

888

A shot to his feet ended the handsome reploid's progress through HQ.

"Identify yourself!" demanded a high-pitched voice.

"I," he said with a flourish of his hair, "am Dynamo, vassal of Lord Sigma."

"So he is a 'lord' now. Are you his lady? You have the hair for it."

Dynamo was unperturbed as the small blue man emerged from his sniping position.

"Megaman X, Maverick Hunter Rank B, and yet you have slain him three or four times in a row. How _do_ you do it?"

"I am the original," X said with a smidgen of pride, "I am the first, on which all reploids are based."

"A… _blue_print," Dynamo chuckled, spinning his double bladed saber with nonchalance, "That means you're my great, great, _great_ grandfather. Slowing down in your old age?"

The mild, naïve eyes of X acquired steel.

"You may insult me, but you will _not_ underestimate me. You were cast from my mold, but I can _break_ it."

"Claws out today," said he, leaning into a defensive stance. X tore up the ground around Dynamo with a ballistic barrage few Irregulars could survive, but Dynamo was not second class. He knew he was the best, and that confidence showed in his slick movements and unfaltering dodges. Many of the minor shots he deflected with his saber, as Zero might, trying to flank his ranged opponent with rapid dashes to the side. But X, though ranked average, is by no means an average opponent. When Dynamo charged, he did the same, and released a fully-powered blast into the reploid's polished chest plate.

"Aghhh! My wax job!" he shouted, smoking and skidding from the impact. The X-Buster began to whine, energy gathering at its bore that happened to be aimed at his visored head. Dynamo held up his hands.

"Okay! Okay! Sheesh. I'm outta here before you singe my hair with that monstrosity."

Spoken like a true survivor, he exited stage left.

888

X reappeared in the command centre. Zero was reading an Electronic Gamers Monthly magazine while his blonde tresses floated in a chemical bath.

"Eh? You play video games?"

"Lookie, it says Dynamo is vulnerable to some dashing shredder thing I haven't gotten yet."

X gaped.

"I forgot Capcom releases the game before the corresponding war ends. What else does it say?"

"Go smack Squiddy. The Goo Shaver is effective."

"Why can't you do it?"

"My hair has to set, you dimwit, and it's the general gamer consensus that you defeat bosses much easier than I do."

"I have fans?" X blinked. Signas walked into the centre together with a healthy glow about him.

"I am proud to report that my depressed theatrics earned the concern and sympathy of our female comm. operative who thought I was sensitive."

"You hooked up a power coupling?" was Zero's snide conjecture. Signas arched imaginary eyebrows.

"Certainly not. We reploids are far too sophisticated for such primate behaviour."

"You tricked her to sit on your lap again, didn't you?"

Signas winked at X and gave the thumbs up. Zero muttered something about lecherous old men and returned to his reading.

"Been brushing up on your landchaser skills, Mr. Mold Breaker?" Signas asked, businesslike. X shrugged.

"Good," said the commander, "The Squid's stage is a nightmare of collapsed underground tunnels in the old Tokyo city."

X's face fell.

"Meaning there are pitfalls and lots and lots of debris to end in a crashing death on."

"You are correct, sir. Shall we proceed?"

"You owe me for annoying her in the first place."

"I think my charm outweighs your irritation."

"If manic depression is your 'charm', then sure. Just get me over there so I can shorten my lifespan."

"Get all eight orbs and you win a prize," Zero mentioned over the magazine cover.

888

"Who? Sears? We don't know anyone by that n… oh! You mean the girl whose house was attacked in the last war? Patch her through," Alia ordered.

"_God DAMMIT! I have been on hold for the past HOUR!"_

"Sorry, Miss Sarah Sears, I was using the Internet."

"_Some Capcom officials kidnapped my sister because Zero gave her a beam saber."_

Alia switched to loudspeaker so the Hunter in question could hear.

"When did this happen?"

"_They took Hannah just before I was put on hold FOR A WHOLE HOUR. Give her back!"_

"I'm sorry, Sarah. We can't be responsible for Maverick Hunters who give out illegal freebies."

Zero perked up at this and muttered, "Damn. I knew that was a bad idea."

"You put her at risk!" Alia accused, "You deliberately put a citizen at risk! Now she's probably rotting in some private prison!"

"Not necessarily," said the accused, "Capcom does not maltreat human captives. They do something worse."

"What?"

"Turn them into game testers."

888

"I do NOT want to test Devil May Cry 3! And I suck at Street Fighter! God forbid I manage a simple button combo!"

"What about Resident…"

"Doesn't impress me! I want to go home!"

She was in a well-lit, hermetically sealed room that contained nothing but smooth white walls, a chair, 42" plasma TV and a skinny geek wearing an official Capcom gamer shirt.

"How about Megaman X6?" he offered.

"The fifth war isn't over yet!"

"We plan ahead."

Growling, she said she had nothing better to do if she was trapped. Cracking a snaggletooth smile, the geek melted through a wall that Hannah attempted to run through, but head butted instead. A Playstation controller emerged from the blank floor while the Capcom logo drifted onscreen. Sighing at her current lot in life, she fell into the chair and pressed Start.


	4. Lozenge

Cruising over the speed limit, X guided the landchaser over the damaged terrain that was too unstable to walk on. What used to be a subway was now a trap for anyone foolhardy enough to navigate it, and X was the man for the job.

"Pits! They're everywhere! And who put those walls in the middle of the road? I HATE this stage!"

Unlike the rest of us, X only has one life, so he got it right the first time _and_ with all eight orbs. Zooming towards a dead end, X figured his insurance policy would cover it, and hopped off the landchaser that promptly crashed in flaming wreckage.

"Y'know, one of these days, they _should_ put a set of brakes so I don't have to destroy _every one I use."_

His head beeped with Alia's signal.

"_That wall in front of you is suspicious…"_

"Well shiver me timbers! These orby things can go into my Buster!"

Assimilating the energy, he fired at the suspicious wall that went boom.

"One of dad's armour capsules! Yay!"

"_Be cautious, X!"_

"Woman, I just solved the puzzle to get to the damned thing. Why would there be any traps?"

There weren't, so he sat before his father.

"_Hullo, X. This is the head part of the Falcon Armour that reduces weapon energy cost."_

"Why couldn't you make a head part that gives _infinite_ weapon energy, like in the last war?"

"_This armour focuses on mobility, not attack power."_

"Thanks, Dad! I'll remember that the next time a tank tries to buzz saw me to death!"

"_You can fly over everything when you find the last part, you know."_

"Huh, yeah. Not like killing Irregulars rewards me with anything but an irritable conscience."

"_That's the spirit. Farewell."_

"Wait! Can't you tell me where the arm part is?"

"_Security reasons again, X. I haven't even chosen where it'll be yet."_

"Sure you haven't. I know you, Dad, you don't leave anything to chance, not even the fate of the world!"

"_Why yes – I _did _program you. Until next time."_

"Crazy old men. If it weren't for him and Wily and Cain..."

Grumbling, he accepted the head data and went on to solve silly lock puzzles all the way to the boss room.

"Spikes, spikes everywhere! I puncture easily!" he complained to Squid Adler who snorted.

"I improved on my predecessor, Launch Octopardo."

"Octopus."

"What?"  
"It's Octopus, not Octopardo! You lose his name in translation?"

"You disgust me, killing such a magnificent undersea explorer!"

"Yes, well, he wasn't the friendliest aquatic companion," X recalled, switching to Goo Shaver mode. Adler electrified himself and went about his attack routine. Though a disciple of the late Octopus, he was more powerful and faster, but so was X since five wars ago. The Hunter stuck to the walls and splattered the Squid with goo, mucking up his pylons and damaging his conductivity until he finally shorted out from the strain of maintaining high voltage, thus joining his retired master to play Pazaak with in Maverick heaven.

888

"This weapon rocks."

X fired off Tri-Thunder shots that went straight ahead, up and down, racing along the walls. Alia screamed and dove from her sparking console. Unimpressed as ever, Zero stuck his finger on X's forehead gem to download.

"…Hmm. Seems I should…"

Reaching behind him, his Z-Saber was spitting blue sparks.

"Hell yeah!"

He leaped much higher than usual, scattering sparks beneath him as the charged beam struck the roof, causing all lightbulbs to become popcorn, plunging the command centre into darkness.

"Sweet motherboard of pearl! Are we under attack again?" Signas yelled as he stumbled over Alia on his way in.

"Those madmen are using their weapons indoors!" she moaned.

"You heard your mother, outside!"

"Awww!" X and Zero whined, sulking out the door. Alia got to her feet in a huff and activated the emergency lights.

"I am not their mother!"

"Yet you feel the need to interrupt their missions to warn them about every speck of dust they'll encounter," countered Signas. She pouted.

888

Zero hightailed it up the spiral staircase of Dr. Glow's laboratory.

"AIDS! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!"

Otherwise know as the Sigma Virus, the floating purple heads stalked the Red Ripper throughout the stage.

"GAAAHHH!" he yelled as they ganged up on him with their infectious coding, "My virus buffer is destroyed! I'm dying! I'm… feeling better?"

An invigorating rush of unquenchable energy conflagrated his body in purple waves.

"_I HAVE THE POWER!"_

Invincible, health fully restored from earlier attempts to _avoid_ the dreaded virus, Zero was an unstoppable berserker, ripping the laboratory defenses to shreds. He kicked down the boss' garage doors.

"Zero!" Izzy yelped, fearful of the virus energies permeating the Hunter and the madness in his eyes.

"Good evening, Clarice."

To the sound of horrified screeches and rending metal, an arm, leg, and finally Izzy's mustachioed skull decorated the floor before the infection faded and the virus buffer reasserted itself. Coming to his senses, Zero looked at his bloodied hands. It was just like his dream.

"Wh… who are you?" he asked himself before blacking out.

888

"This game is easy."

She had already stormed through Yammark's Aztec-ish forest stage, rescuing hapless reploids from Nightmare tentacle rape. Then followed the museum stage, because she was intuitive like that, and met up with Nightmare Zero. Somehow, defeating that form resurrected the real Zero.

"That guy defies death like a cockroach. I'll tell him next time I see him," she sighed, "IF there's a next time…"

888

"Hunters found him like this after Alia lost the comm. link."

"She _lost _his energy signature? But it's broadcasting normally right now – what could have disrupted it?"

Lifesaver and X were conferring in sick bay. The medical specialist reploid rubbed his broad chin.

"All reploids infected with the Sigma Virus output different energy signatures, thereby cutting off communication with them. Considering the high infection level of Izzy's laboratory, that is the most likely explanation."

"That doesn't make sense. The computer is registering _increased _power output from his core, and virtually every other system in his body. The Virus is supposed to do the opposite."

"Zero does possess the viral antibodies from the third war, but they are supposed to eradicate the Virus, not draw power from it!"

Lifesaver's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the Hunter in recline. Noticing the almost accusative look, X feared for his friend's safety.

"What are you thinking?"

"That Zero… was _meant_ to be infected."

"What are you saying?"

Lifesaver blinked at X.

"For one so strong you certainly are naïve. Do not forget that Zero was a Maverick…"

"How dare you!"

"When Sigma was our Commander, he captured a red Maverick and brought it here. Dr. Cain's records clearly state that Maverick is he."

"Zero's not a Maverick!"

"But he was," Lifesaver uttered in a low, severe tone, "Why was he _first_ found as a Maverick before Dr. Cain rehabilitated him? Nobody knows who or what made him, but he was definitely created to _be _a Maverick!"

"The way he fights, I can't believe him to be one of them."

"You must learnt to let go, X. Trusting such a character will only lead to ruin."

"'_Such a character'?_ He's my only friend! You're not one of them, the way you talk, you oversized Panadol tablet!"

He stamped away from the offending lozenge of a reploid.


	5. Aussie

The Enigma was prepped and ready to fire.  
"Predicted success rate, 94," reported Alia.

"Chance of fiery raining death, 6," X droned, causing her and Signas to glower. The commander gave the order:

"Fire the laser! BLASTOFF!"

_Thoom._

"BLASTOFF!"

_Thoom._

"BLASTOFF!"

_Thoom._

"Did we get it?"

"No," said Alia, "But the part we hit has turned a lovely, crispy golden brown."

X smacked his forehead.

"Zero forgot to turn it off the barbeque setting!"

Alia and Signas simultaneously face faulted.

"We're doomed! Doooooomed!" she wailed.

"No, we still have the shuttle," Signas corrected, "X, you'll have to pilot it."

"What? That scrap heap couldn't tow a tricycle!"

"Oh, so _that_ explains why we still have four Maverick bosses to deal with. Go get the shuttle parts, would you?"

"Why can't you go?"

"I'm the freaking commander, X! My subroutines are programmed for leadership!"

"And lapdances."

Alia blushed furiously and cowered under her console. Signas whacked X over the head.

"Thanks. Now I won't get any."

888

The azure wonder found Douglas in the ready room. The teddy-bear cute tech specialist was tinkering with an armour capsule he had constructed based on Dr. Light's.

"Hey, buddy. Now you can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Step up."

"What's this, the fifth armour I've gone through, not counting the Gold and Ultimate?"

"Yessir. You change them like underwear, one per war. Step up, please."

Complying, he became arrayed in birdlike blue and white. He stepped out of the capsule, stepping around the room with astonishment on his face.

"Douglas, the phrase 'light as air' does not do this nearly enough justice. Weight decreased fifty percent, yet overall defense is _doubled._ Arm cannon…" he transformed his hand, "Capable of a penetrating laser that goes through most substances. But the boots…"

He lifted _off… _and stayed up there.

"WHEEEE!"

He swooped through the door. Douglas smiled. The reward for his work lay in the results, even if it _was_ just bringing all the parts together.

888

The Skiver's airborne fleet was not prepared for a master of the skies. X took to the air every chance he got, crashing head-on into enemies without taking damage. Only projectiles clipped his wings… but the Falcon was designed for speed and mobility, enabling him to dodge everything they threw at him. Even when he was hit, it didn't hurt much. Not even the time bombs slowed him down – the Giga Attack annihilated everything in the area with its shower of laser beams.

"If this bird could charge special weapons, it'd be TOO good."

Dr. Light had outdone himself. X told him so when he found _another_ armour capsule located high above the fleet.

"_Thanks for the compliment. Here's the body part for the Gaea armour."_

"Wh-wh-_what?_ I thought it was another Street Fighter move! You made a _second_ suit during the _same war?_"

"_I don't have anything better to do other than surf the Internet and chat with depressed youths or depressed adults posing as youths while creaming them in their MMORPG's and FPS's."_

"What the heck does this 'Gaea' do?"

"_Reduces damage even further – 75. However, it's very heavy."_

"Equitable exchange. I'll be a powerhouse, then?"

"_The opposite of the Falcon Armour. Cumbersome, unable to jump high, but your _ground _dashes could push large objects. Your arm cannon will be short range but able to destroy certain objects nothing else can."_

"That's a purely utilitarian model, completely unsuitable for combat."

"_True. It is also invulnerable to spikes."_

X brightened.

"No instant screaming death?"

"_No instant screaming death."_

"Yay! I love you Dad!"

"_The feeling is mutual. Now hurry up and take the body part – I have a _Counterstrike© _n00b to fry."_

Breezing through the stage without the slightest difficulty he challenged the commanding officer for the shuttle part he held.

"You," sneered Wing Pegasus through large blocky horse teeth, "You and your kind killed off the Colonel, my idol!"

"Another fanboy?" X lifted his hands in mock defeat, "Am I the only one without? May the Virus strike me dead if I'm wrong!"

"It's not the virus you should be worried about," said Pegasus, pointing a thick finger. X rolled his eyes.

"If you think you're going to knock me off this little biplane of yours, you are sadly mistaken, because…" he took to the sky, "I'm a UFO with a really bad sense of humour."

Flight utterly defeated the Maverick, who had expected a landlubber to be blown away by his tornadoes and stay in one pace long enough to be butted off the small plane. X did no such thing, only coming out of flight mode long enough to send the piercing laser on a collision course with elegant outstretched wings.

888

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Anything you want to tell me, old friend?"

They were leaning on the railing of the base's harbour. A light breeze rustling his blonde, Zero was staring at the sunset ocean. Subtly changing hues and pastels rippling through the clouds and waters reflected in his dark eyes.

"X."

"Yes, Zero?"

"I… I have AIDS."

"What? _The Virus?"_ X gasped, "After all the times we've fought together?"

"It's not just you!" he groaned, strain evident in the way his palms met his face.

"You've… fought with others?"

"Sigma. He did this to me. There couldn't have been anyone else."

Stupefied to silence, X shook his head and walked away. Zero lifted his hand, to stop him, to make him understand.

"X…!"

Back turned on his friend, his shadow cast long on the ground by the sun's dying rays, X clenched both fists, head bent.

"You have the Virus, Zero. It can't be the same way again!"

"But this Virus can be overcome! We cured the last one with Doppler!"

"Doppler's dead! There's no cure, Zero! We can't fight together ever again!"

"But X!"

The latter whirled, bringing both fists up, checking himself and lowering them, deeply frowning.

"I want… I want to fight with you, always, only with you, but the Virus changes everything."

A broken man, X walked away. Shoulders slumped, Zero hunched over the railing, glaring at the sunset, now.

"If that's the way it is…"

888

"This place is _dark!"_

X tripped over Irregulars while exploring the dim planetarium.

"What the hell is this place doing in Egypt?"

"_You can use your night vision, you know, you ARE a reploid."_

"You and your 'observations'," he berated the comm. op, tilting his head to increase light sensitivity of his optical sensors. The Big Dipper incandesced in his face.

"Ahhh! Too bright!"

"_Constellations will appear every now and then. As a consequence, bats and spikes will rain from the sky."_

"Whuh?"

"_Skree!"_

"ACK."

He scuttled out of the way as bats dropped warheads and spikes materialized out of thin air above him. Switching to Falcon Flight, he dodged the rest, navigating the pitfalls and grounded enemies.

"Once I stay up here, this stage is as good as over."

It was. The second area was just as easy – all he had to do was stay airborne and nothing hurt him, not the giant balls, not the bats and certainly not the spiked floor. He collected the Head part for the Gaea armour at the end of the stage.

"Dad? Why are you leaving the armour capsules in such obvious places? I can't get to them unless I solve your silly puzzles, but the Sigma Virus can morph through _anything."_

"_Bah, as if that bald egg has programming that could counteract mine! It's you I'm worried about, and your friend."_

X sat down, chin on his knees.

"He's infected, but it makes him stronger!"

"_That can only mean he is a vector, like Sigma."_

"He is _not _like Sigma!"

"_How else would you explain it?"_

Growling, X hugged his legs.

"I don't like this."

"_Neither do I."_

"You're just a stupid hologram. You're not even alive."

Dr. Light's chuckle was mirthless.

"_I am a human mind in digital format. _My_ intelligence created _yours._ Who are_ you_ to judge what is alive?"_

"We live to effect change in the world and people around us. That determines life."

"_By your criterion, I assume the wind is alive?"_

Exasperated as a child arguing with his parent, X quipped, "When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me."

"_Don't hide behind humour. Life bothers you – you don't know if you or any reploid truly lives, or if your world is nothing but virtual reality."_

"To an artificial mind, _all_ reality is virtual," X quoted the Animatrix, "But I do not believe I am of artificial mind. I possess all the human faculties of growth and development, even procreation, if you count the billion or so reploids running around because of Dr. Cain's efforts and mine."

"_You really made up for _my _lack of children, but you'll always be my favourite."_

"Did you create Zero?"

Point-blank, Dr. Light stuttered.

"_N-no. His creation was unplanned, I never expected…"_

X's eyes had grown twice that size.

"_I've said too much, haven't I."_

"You know."

"_I have always known."_

"Then who was it?"

"_You are not ready."_

"Damn it, Dad! I've saved the world four times over! Is hiding Zero's creation more important than trusting me with an entire planet of sentient beings?"

"_X, you know who you are. If you were to malfunction, there would be no force on Earth that could stop you."_

The hologram disappeared. X pondered as he stood before the boss door.

"_Knowing Zero's origins would… cause me to malfunction… but I'm in perfect health… unless the knowledge caused something vital to breakdown in my sentient programming…"_

He had read of the effect of nervous breakdowns on humans. Those most often occurred after the person learnt of something devastating, like the death of offspring or a relative.

"_What could be so terrible about Zero?"_

Dark Dizzy thought he had the advantage over the preoccupied Hunter.

"The world's going to end! My planetarium has front row seats! Price of admission: your BLOOD!"

X was worried, yes, but a reploid brain can think of many things at once, including how to defeat a Shade Man ripoff who did nothing but flap around like a retarded pigeon and get shot in the face.

888

Engineers have it the worst. While Hunters do all the exciting work, people like Douglas and his underlings are stuck with grunt duty. After the Enigma's failure, the shuttle was Earth's last best hope. Other lesser hopes included asking Eurasia nicely to hit the moon instead or buy everyone umbrellas. Meanwhile, Douglas and co. had tanks to refuel, couplings to check, clamps to lubricate and diagnostics to run.

"Humans are wonky," commented an underling while watching CNN during lunch. While tinkering with a speedometer, Douglas spared him an "Eh?"

"Look. They're in a mad rush to Australia, on the opposite side of the planet from the predicted impact point."

Douglas sighed.

"That's futile. No matter where the colony hits, it'll end civilization."

"Humans are adaptable. They'll survive Eurasia… they'll even survive us."

"True," the head engineer nodded, "They made us, so why shouldn't they survive anything we throw at them?"

"We lost their trust right after the fourth war. Now we are to blame for Earth's destruction…"

"Not unless this shuttle does its job."

Zero walked past them.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Zero."

The engineers did a double take.

"_Zero?"_

Chasing after him, they came nose to nose with the Z-Saber.

"Don't stop me, Douglas. I'm stopping that colony while I can."

To himself he thought, _"Before the Virus dictates what I do."_

"You're insane! We only have two shuttle parts!" Douglas shouted, his cute features bristling while his subordinate yelled, "Efficiency is less than fifty percent! Your chances will be just as low!"

"Yeah? We shot the Enigma _at full power. _Where were your statistics then?"

"Don't do it! Give X more time!"

"He didn't give _me _a chance."

They had no idea what he was talking about, but he did. He shut the hatch in their faces. Douglas and company hailed Alia on the comm.

"Zero's hijacking the shuttle! Can you stop him from over there?"

Precious moments passed before she replied, _"He's initiated the launch sequence! That overrides any remote interference!"_

"God DAMN it! I spent most of my life maintaining this relic!"

"_Get clear before the thrusters activate!"_

They scooted from the launch tower that collapsed behind them as the shuttle heaved upward with deafening thunder and blasting wind.

"You teenage dirtbag!" Douglas shook his fist at the quickly ascending flame, "You come back here with that 1.7 billion dollars in US legal tender piece of equipment!"

"He's gone," said the minor engineer, white-faced, "But _it's _coming…"

888

Indeed, the trillion-dollar colony was falling at a fanatic pace, entering atmosphere just as the shuttle shot out of Earth's gravitational pull. Now with nothing to hold it back, the massive rocket accelerated even further. Its pilot shook his fist at the colony turned comet and hollered, "BANZAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII!"

_Krakkathoom._

888

One hour later, Eurasia crashed into the Earth. The shuttle, at only half power, was not enough to halt its bulk. The Sigma and Colony viruses fused, seeking out all sentient life on the planet's surface, eradicating what civilization was left in the mad rush to Australia.

And somewhere downunda, there was an Aussie going, "WTF mate?"


	6. Alone

The Hunter Base, being shielded tighter than spandex, survived the new viral plague sweeping the globe. One of its members, however, was showing symptoms of the crash.

"ZEROOOOOO!"

"X."

"Zeroooo! Nooooo!"

"X!"

"Why is this happening to me?"

"X!"

"WHAT?"

"Shut up! I'm listening!"

Alia was pressing her headphones so close to her skull that her eyes bulged.

"What're you…"

"Shhhh!"

Signas closed his hand around X's jaw and pinned the smaller man to his heroic chest for the sake of silence. Two minutes of interminable silence while X struggled to breathe, and then…

"A signal from the crash site! It's…"

Colour evacuated her face. X took note, elbowed Signas in the gut, gulped air and shouted, "Zero!"

"Don't go, X."

It was Lifesaver, approaching with his typical doom and gloom complexion.

"He's my friend, not a Maverick!"

"Then we will go with you."

Another Lifesaver walked into the room. X jumped.

"Sweet Jeebus! There's _two _of you?"

"Ever heard of copy and paste? Look, if you're foolhardy enough to go to the source, we'll act as Virus buffers so you don't die immediately."

X nodded at them with new respect.

"Roger that. It's time to fly."

888

And what of our intrepid game tester?

"It's dark!" she bawled. The first thing to go when civilization ends is the electricity. The second thing is one's sanity, and Hannah was working hard at it. Feeling along the walls, she searched for escape in vain.

"I'm hungry! My head hurts! I'm thirsty!"

"Kwitcherbitchin'"

Bright purple lanced through the night. Perceiving it to be a blade, an elegant silhouette was illumined by its light.

"Who're you?"

"Who are _you, _my dear human girl, and what are you doing in Capcom's bunker?"

"I thought this was their game testing headquarters."

"Pshaw. Everyone knows Capcom keeps one of these rooms in all their secret bases."

"Whatever. Get me out of here!"

"Step this way. And we're walking, we're walking… humans are so clumsy."

"Oh, I get it. Reploid, huh?"

"Yes."

He moved the energy blade nearer his face. Hannah stood back.

"Dynamo!"

He stood back.

"You know me?"

"You're a bad guy!"

"Oh, come now, darling, I'm not all bad."

"Then why did you make Eurasia mate with the Earth and why did you attack the Hunter base?"

Dynamo lifted his visor and stared at her, frowning.

"How the hell did you know that?"

She folded her arms and lifted her chin.

"I play games."

"So do I, but this is serious."

He led the way, lit by his weapon, through the pitch black bunker.

"In a bid to escape Capcom's control, Sigma ordered me to make Eurasia crash into Capcom's headquarters. Of course, the Hunters got involved and nudged it from its intended impact site, but the point is, it hit the Earth. So far Capcom's been pulling the strings when it comes to the Reploid Wars, even to the point of designing games that would indicate the War's progress."

"I know that part. Go on."

"Sigma found someone after the fiasco with Final Weapon."

"Dr. Wily?"

Dynamo sighed with exasperation.

"For a human, you know too much. Yes, the old machinist who created Zero. Wily's hologram told Sigma that Zero is the original vector for the Maverick Virus, and that, if Sigma combined his own unique virus hybrid with the Maverick Virus, it would coalesce into something else entirely."

"The Zero Virus."  
"Stop interrupting me. But yeah, that's about it. It seems that, when Sigma initially took out Zero, the Maverick Virus integrated with his systems and made him go crazy. Thus the Sigma Virus was born, but it was unique to his programming because he was the first to be infected by it and kept resurrecting as a result. The Maverick Virus remained with the Sigma Virus as a sort of subroutine, and he spread _that _Virus to the other reploids and Irregulars."

"For a bishounen you sure know how to psychobabble."

"Yeah, well, I'm part machine, so bear with me."

They arrived outside. The sky was scarred just like in "The Matrix" except purple.

"Will the Virus get me?"

"Girl, it's gonna get everyone. Some are just more resistant than others. Oh, hold onto this."

He tossed her a metallic tube.

"My beam saber!"

"Yessiree. Hang onto it. I traced it energy signature halfway across the globe to here."

Handing it, her frown betrayed curiosity. A mystery unfulfilled. Dynamo took a seat on some nearby slag and played storyteller.

"You can say that I am something of a… patriot. Capcom designed me with my good looks and heart-melting charm…"

Hannah snorted. He cleared his throat to continue, "So I didn't really want to see them or the human race go kaput just because one Maverick has bad luck. I mean, humans are good for laughs. Reploids? Not so much, except X and Zero. I don't plan on spending my retirement laughing at just two guys, so I made provisions for humanity to survive.

Hannah looked around her at the wasteland.

"I suppose _this_ is philanthropy at work."

"You and your snarky comments."  
He folded his arms. Hannah poked his leg with the beam saber hilt.

"Hey, I saw a smile."

He flashed a grin that would have won awards, had the World's Best Smile committee not been overrun and horribly destroyed by the Zero Virus.

"That's why I said, humans are good for laughs. I _want_ your race to survive or else I'll be terribly, horridly bored for the remainder of my immortal life."

"So why'd you come down here in the first place?"  
"Damn! I thought I had led you away from that train of thought. You humans; so tenacious!" said he, grinning all the while, "Ah, well, here's how it goes…"

888

They were in a valley of ashes.

"I thought Sky Lagoon was bad…"

The Lifesavers conferred in the muted tones people adopt after a tragedy. In Falcon, X picked his way downhill over cinders and vitrified ground. Lifesaver waved his tricorder at the pit's core.

"Intense Viral activity of the Zero nature."

"Whatever, Spock. Step back."

"Yes, Captain."

At the heart of darkness, at Ground Zero, was the original Maverick himself. His back was turned, but the air around him was shimmering with raw energy. X noticed that his old friend's feet were not touching the ground.

"**X. Step into my lair."**

With that, he rose into the sky and streaked off. Bewildered, X murmured, "I feel like Agent Smith."

"This is no time for obscure movie references. I strongly advise you to cease and desist your current course of action. The Virus will overtake you."

"Lifesaver, there is only one person who can stop Zero, and that is me. I don't know what he's planning, I don't know if I'll survive the Virus, but I will stop him… for the sake of the Earth."

"Good man. Scotty, beam us up."

"_Ahem."_  
"Scotty, belay that command."

X turned around.

"Hey, dad."

888

"So this saber..?"

"Yes. That's why I came here. Maybe if you can replicate…"

_Pshew. _Neon purple touched ground a few hundred yards south of their position. Dynamo stood up hastily, every hair on his head standing on end.

"Oh boy. Bad day. Bad day!"

"Was that…"

"Zero! Yes! I'm outta here."

"You're going to leave me all alone?"

"Don't worry, doll, if Ernie's here, Bert isn't far behind."

While Dynamo retreated, the ground underfoot shifted, melted and completely morphed, reforming around, above and underneath her in complicated patterns of blue and white neon lines. It appeared as though the environment was being taken over by a computer simulation.

"This looks disturbingly familiar. If my calculations are correct, X should appear…"

_Pshew. _Hannah nodded.

"Zero's south of here."

X blinked, recalling data on this human.

"H-Hannah? How did you? When did you? Ah, never mind. Please remain here while I deal with Mr. Sunshine."

"Okie dokie."

She had her fingers crossed behind her back. She wouldn't miss this for the world.

"What, did a bad techno song throw up?" X was commenting on the 'stage' Zero had created with his presence. As there was abundance of hovering platforms, Hannah followed. For the first time, she slew an Irregular with her beam saber. It just happened to be a Met-all, the most common enemy since the franchise and its predecessor began.

"Booyah!"

She survived the spike pit here and there with a good running leap.

"Wow. My first Megaman stage!"

Quite proud of herself, she skittered after X through the omnipresent garage doors.

"Oh, crap. This thing locked me in here!"

"Hannah! Why did… you're in terrible danger!"

"**It's not like you to bring guests, X."**

He descended, regal in nightmarish glow.

"Zero! This is our fight! She has nothing to do with this!"

"**She is here. I name her, 'The Ambassador of Humanity'"**

"That'll look good on my resume," Hannah muttered.

"**If she survives, humanity will be spared, but I will rule the reploids."**

"You're forgetting me, Zero! I don't know what's come over you, but I'm bringing you back?"

The Red Ripper's eyes burned incandescent. His Z-Saber was Sith red.

"**You are welcome to try. We have always been… eternal rivals!"**

It was too fast to follow with human eyes, but this narrator is omniscient as to the happenings in this story. While Hannah only saw a brilliant flash, Zero had flown fast and straight, saber proceeding, while X Quick Charged and countered with the piercing laser shot. So powerful were the attack, both combatants were pushed backward.

"Stymied already?" X goaded, "And you claim to possess power?"

"**Possess? I DOMINATE!"**

Zero has arm cannon mode, too. With his 'true' form unleashed, it was super-charged, but X figured he was the arm cannon expert, and tried to match shot for shot. Unfortunately for the expert, Zero had more energy, and fired two consecutive charged shots. Both bypassed the laser beam that struck Zero, who did not even flinch, while X took damage.

"Gyaah!"

Hannah twiddled her thumbs.

"**Touché."**

"You don't speak French, so don't even try!"

When Zero attempted another arm cannon round, X took Falcon flight and, with its protective aura, burst through the viral plasma energies to blitz Zero with the laser. This time, the pure Maverick flinched.

"I'm getting through to you."

Zero reverted to his weapon of choice.

"**You're wasting time."**

Doing something X had last seen three wars ago, Zero slashed outward, the extra energies culminating in an airborne slash that sliced through the air and into X.

"GwAUUUGHH!"

"X makes amusing sounds," Hannah observed while beaming her name in the ground.

"**Are you breathing?" **he taunted, stepping closer to the kneeling Hunter.

"Give me an inch and I'll take a yard."

At such close range there was nowhere to dodge or block, and the laser drilled full into his chest.

"**Impudent…"**

_Slice._

"_**BASTARD!"**_

_Snick._

"Oh dear."

Hannah watched X being pulverized.

"**You think you're a little bit closer to changing me?"**

"GrAHHH!"

X tackled in Falcon mode, blasting Zero with its aura as they scudded along the floor to slam into the opposite wall that cracked from the strain.

"**Ugh!"**

"Yes, yes, I do."

"**Get away from me."**

Punch to the gut, uppercut! Roundhouse kick to the face! X spun around and into a twisted heap.

"Oh dear."

"Stop saying that, would you?" he grunted, trying to recover.

"Sorry."

"**Now for you, human."**

"Excuse me? I have a name."

"**Hannah, that's my beam saber you're holding."**

"You gave it to me!"

"**Well, I want it back."**

She backed off, hugging it.

"So it's true what Dynamo said! This _does _contain the antivirus! That's why you came here!"

For the first time, Zero looked surprised.

"**I came here to destroy what would stop me – X, and that beam saber! I used it in the third war against the Sigma Virus."**

"Yeah, I played that game, remember? So all I have to do is nick you with this…"

"**Hah."**

He leveled his arm cannon at her. Hannah was not a Jedi.

"Oh, shit."

So she ran. Large holes in the wall followed her. It seems that whenever a major character is running from bullets or other projectiles, except during those Sniper movies, the character is never hit so long as they keep running and don't trip over something. Which Hannah did, now that I mentioned it.

"Oof!"

"**Gotcha."**

"Not."

_Pshoom. _

A hole appeared in Zero's shoulder.

"_**WOULD YOU DIE ALREADY?"**_

"Nope. I'm the hero, remember?"

"X, catch!"

"Thanks."

Zero glared at the green saber now in X's hands.

"Cool! I feel like Yoda."

"**You underestimate my power!"**

"Remember what happened to the last guy who said that?"

They dashed at each other. While Zero was a dyed-in-the-wool swordsman, X was unconventional. Just before contact, Zero swung; X ducked, rolled under the slash, and brought the saber up into Zero's fusion core. Stunned, he was transfixed.

"Gotcha."

"**Damn… you!"**

In a last-ditch maneuver, Zero summoned the Soul Body. It made no sense to Hannah when he did that during the game, because everyone knows that boss abilities NEVER EVER carry over from game to game. But, he did it, so the result now was two Hunters knocking each other out.

"Holy crapolies."

She prodded them with her foot.

"Don't tell me I'm all alone again!"


	7. Cry

She waited. Ominous footsteps resounded from behind the purple garage doors, so she hid just beside them. The cloaked figure swept into the room without noticing her.

"Who in the seven viral hells designed this stage? Spikes, platforms, pits; what, are they _trying _to kill me on my way here?"

"_Sigma!" _her mind screamed, but her mouth did not, because Siggy had a reputation for disliking the homo-sapiens species.

"What do we have here? Lovers in embrace?"

"Space off, Sigma."

Zero, the stronger of the two at the moment, grunted while rediscovering his feet. Removing the green saber from his chest, he activated his own in dual-wielding stance; one held horizontal for defense, the other vertical for attack. The Virus Aura was gone; sanity ruled him.

"You think _two _sabers will stop me, when you have that kind of wound?"

"I did it before. I can do it again. You will always be defeated, no matter what you try."

Sigma's hands began blazing with ball-lightning. Their light glinted off his cruel smirking face.

"Proud words. Now die!"

The crossed sabers absorbed the brunt; he skidded meters backward from the impact, leaving X prone. Residual energies flowed through his arms and electrified his badly damaged core, causing him to spit up circulatory fluid.

"A hero, eh? How about your partner?"

"Don't hurt X!"

"My dear 'Maverick' Hunter, I don't intend to hurt. I intend to kill!"

He charged nova energy in his hands to wipe the unconscious blue Hunter out of existence, but Zero, as he had done before in the first war, intervened.

"_NO! Thus far and _no_ farther!"_

He dashed through the air with a yell, sabers sizzling in their downward arc to counter Sigma's deadly hands. The Maverick Master flung the energies upward at him instead, just as Zero intended. Blocking again, he sustained secondary damage again, and landed between the two.

"Ah, Sigma, always looking out for Number One. You could have killed him then and there, and only suffered the loss of your arms as a result."

Sigma snarled.

"Damn you and your sacrificial nature. You were meant to follow ME!"

Zero laughed low in his throat.

"No, Sigma. I think _you _were meant to follow… _me."_

"You arrogant…!"

"_Me _arrogant? Shut up, Sigma. I know you met my maker. I heard his voice whispering in my head ever since the shuttle crash."

His smile was ironic with the truth.

"I'm impressed. You went through all this trouble, destroying the Earth, just to awaken _me? _My maker used you, Sigma, so that _I _would inherit the Earth!"

"You're too _good _to do that."

"That's right. I don't want to inherit the Earth."

He raised his sabers.

"I just want to destroy _you!"_

Hannah watched them go at it, bitter rivals pitted against each other by a machinist who had died decades ago. Sigma's charged-up hands blocked the sabers, but with twice the attack power and the driving determination to protect his friend, Zero slashed through Sigma's defense and left a burning X upon the Maverick's chest.

"You won't get rid of that without a new body," the Red Ripper taunted. Sigma bellowed with frustration and teleported away. Zero wiped red from his mouth.

"Ugh. I feel all sorts of discombobulated."

"Zeroooo!"

Hannah pounced and hugged him from behind.

"Don't die again!"

Incredibly, he managed a smile.

"Oh, hey, forgot you were there."

Carrying her on his back, he nudged X in the ribs.

"I saved your ass, you can wake up now."

With reluctance, he did, smiling.

"You're all right!"

Zero sputtered, flecking circulatory fluid on his knees as he stooped, overcome by the critical damage at last. X tilted his head to access the comm. link.

"X to base. Three to beam up."

888

Hannah gnawed Reeses Pieces© while Alia called the human's sister, Sarah.

"_She's all right? Yay! I had to hide the jeep and tell mom and dad that she went back to campus!"_

"I'll be home, er, eventually."

"_What? Get yer lazy bum back to Pennsylvania!"_

"But I want to see if X and Zero are okay."

"_You played the video game already; you _know _what happens next! Stop procrastinating!"_

"Hey, that's my job. I'll be back, uh, soon."

"_You had better…" _Click. Hannah sighed and resumed gnawing, hiding the rest of it in her jeans. She left the command centre, checked the _You Are Here_ map and took the turbolift to Maintenance. Douglas was monitoring X and Zero.

"Ye gods, there's more viruses and spyware on you two than Kazaa."

"Have you been tested for DISEASES?"

"I didn't ask your opinion, X."

"Then don't give one."

The teddy-bear cute engineer pressed a button to deliver a neural shock to the blue Hunter who convulsed and swore.

"The hell was that!"

"Manners."

"Hi, guys," Hannah announced herself, leaving delicious crumbs on the floor as she padded around the biotech restoration pods.

"These heal y'all?"  
"Saved our lives," Zero corrected, opening his eyes, "They boost our auto-repair systems along with supplying parts we lost."

"Considering how many times you've been put back together, you're a junk robot," X snickered. Douglas shocked him again.

"Be nice to the invalid."

"I am not an invalid!" Zero yelled.

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Okay, I'm leaving."

Reeses in hand, she wandered off to determine if the place had a holodeck.

888

"Your shenanigans cost us a base of operations."

"You are all manipulators!"

They had Sigma's loquacious head on a platter.

"Considering you committed genocide to eliminate our company, you are in no position to defame _us_."

His red eyes swiveled at the Ray-Bans peering intently at him.

"You must be disbanded, disorganized at this point! All my spies, all my research indicated _that_ base was the nerve centre!"

"Are you familiar with the concept of _misdirection? _What self-respecting company keeps its employees in the know of its internal operations?"

That intelligent, rounded head gawped, "You gave false information since the _beginning?"_

"After five successful video games releases of wars _you _coordinated, you must admit, we are very efficient."

Another suit added with smug satisfaction, "Sales are up, profits are climbing, and this is only _one_ of our franchises."

"Damn you! I am more than a moneymaker for _humans!"_

"On the contrary, you are doing what we programmed you for: a warmonger without peer."

A Ray-Ban leaned closer to Sigma.

"War is profitable when _we _control it."

The suits looked at each other to confer.

"There is still an anomaly to be dealt with."

"Yes: Megaman X and Zero, who are not of our creation."

"Although we _did_ sponsor Light and Wily, the programming is less predictable."

A suit held up a white rectangle of A4 paper to read.

"As Wily was Light's assistant and learnt much of his programming, I conjecture that Zero is of these same specifications: possessing the ability to think for himself and make his own decisions, and, if he were to rebel, that nothing of Earth could stop him."

"To ensure there is another war, we must maintain the expected program. They must not suspect, lest they interfere."

"Restore Sigma to battle-ready status. Perform a memory-wipe."

Sigma grumbled, "Do I have a say in this?"

"No."

888

Mattrex and Axle the Red laid in wait somewhere along the Final Stage. Crouched together, they were perched in a high place above the normal range of vision.

"See, scouts reported them coming this way. If we jump them together, we can take 'em!" the dinosaur rumbled. Axle flicked back a rose petal.

"We're supposed to be in the transporter rooms with the others, not planning an ambush."

"But they didn't even visit my stage!" Mattrex whined, "I didn't get to show them my moves!"

"Pshaw. I'm glad they didn't disturb _mine._ I happen to like my privacy with no Hunters blocking my sunlight."

"I hear footsteps! On the count of three… THREE!"

Mattrex's scales took on flame. Axel lashed his whip out to full spiky length. They dropped down.

And froze.

"RUN AWAY!"

Mattrex found a bottomless pit to make friends with. Axel, after tripping over his whip, followed. X and Zero hopped over their fading screams.

"You'd think they never saw armour before."

888

After deactivating the six remaining Boss teleporter pods with short-range EMP charges (kudos to Douglas and his oodles of spare time between world crises), the duo came across appearing and disappearing blocks set in midair.

"I can't believe this," X laughed, "A trick all the way from my counterpart's days!"

"He had a dog that transformed into a jet. Why can't we get pets like that?"

"Plagiarism or something. Between your double jump and my wings, we don't need help, anyway."

Zero stood back to gesture.

"Then you first, you're the pioneer."

"Pfft."

On the other side, they found a purple garage door.

"I bet you twenty credits there is an UNNECESSARILY LENGTHY CORRIDOR behind this," Zero said.

"What makes you think that?"

"Call it déjà vu."

Zero later spent the twenty credits on Clairol©. The dead end was a lesson in history.

"Oh, hey, colour-coded capsules that happen to be thirty feet high," X patted the stasis pod he had first awoken from years ago. Their fronts were smashed; broken glass was scattered all around them.

"Cat's in the cradle," Zero smiled.

"Sigma, you shouldn't have," X cooed. Completely superficial, vast purple wings outstretched, Sigma glowered.

"They're to remind you of your mutually fractured origins… and life."

"Well, shit, look who's talking about broken lives," Zero guffawed, drawing his now _purple_ saber, "At least I only died _once!"_

"Someone always dies when we clash," X stroked his bladed arm cannon, "History repeats itself."

Roaring, Sigma flung his mantle of radiant wings at them. Shredding them apart, feathers fell in drifts around the black and white of Zero's Ultimate Armour. X spread his wings and took flight. This was not the soft blue aura of Falcon. _This_ was the unstoppable fury of Nova. Sigma, as they say, was caught between a rock and a hard place.

"UNGH!"

Golden sparks cascading off the deep indigo of his Ultimate Armour, X kicked off the wall to perform yet another Novastrike, blazing through Sigma as though the Maverick was dust in the wind. Before losing consciousness, Sigma was dimly aware of stumbling toward the Hunter whose hair was now the colour of starlight.

"You will learn to accept it, Sigma."

Zero's slashes numbered one to twenty within five seconds. Structural integrity weak from two successive novae, Sigma's styling tuxedo shell collapsed under the Z-Saber assault. Prodding the slag, Zero nodded.

"Here comes his second form, right about… now."

_Rumble. Rumble. Tremor. FWOOM._

Sigma's face and disembodied gauntlets were even bigger than the statue he'd first emerged from in this game.

"**RAWR! SIGMA SMASH!"**

"Float like a butterfly…" Zero somersaulted over the swooping fists that bonked together.

"Sting like a bee," X executed a vertical Novastrike, riding flame to uppercut the colossal head off its shoulders.

"**GARRRR!" **Siggy roared while his cranium bounced along the floor. His flying fists banged around the room before exploding from lack of control. X and Zero crossed arms to perform a Riverdance in celebration.

"**YARRRR!"**

"Eh?"

"**SELF DESTRUCT INITIATED, BITCHES!"**

"Douglas, beam us up!" X shouted. Zero drew his blade and started dashing towards the shuddering, grinning bomb.

"No use! He's jamming the signal! We have to…"

_(Insert obligatory explosion sound here)_

888

"Zero. Zero? Zero!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"Oh, by the motherboard, you look awful."

"Same as it was in the first war. No legs, no auto repair; no service."

X cradled his paraplegic friend.

"Why are your legs destroyed from these self-destruct explosions, anyway?"

"Bad habit. I'll go to counseling for it."

"I'll get us home."

He called Douglas, but there was still jamming.

"Why the hell…"

"**RAWR!"**

"Oh, snap."

_FSHOOM! _Bright light filled the area. X made gurgling noises and slumped over. Both he and Zero now had a neat, round hole through their chests, through which a small dog could fit.

"You're very persistent… Sigma!" Zero laughed, arm cannon collecting energy.

"**Tee hee."**

Zero's Buster finished off the skinless skull.

"And I thought… that peashooter of yours couldn't kill a cockroach," X gasped, rolling over to gaze at the blackness of the chamber. Zero coughed up crimson.

"Sort of lost… use… when I focused on my s-saber…"

Consciousness was proving a strain on his already mangled body. While his systems slipped into stasis, Zero seized the moment to give some good old-fashioned farewell wishes.

"X… you've been protecting this world before me…"

Above his laboured breathing, the azure Hunter listened to the weakening voice.

"I have… died… so that you might live, because…" he coughed, clutching X's shoulder, "You can do more good than I can…"

A wistful, even sentimental smile creased that paling face of the Red Ripper.

"You shouldn't die, ever. You should l-live…"

His head dropped to the side.

"And if you don't, I'll kick your ass out of heaven… so you go back."

The easy exhalation of death echoed through the capsules that gave them birth. X wasn't designed to cry. But he went through the motions.


	8. Zero

Soft blue footsteps approached. Dr. Light's sentient hologram looked upon X, his only surviving creation.

"No, not yet. Actually, I want you to rest for now…"

"You old fool, he can't hear you."

Thomas Xavier Light shook his head at the reddish visage of the late Albert Wily.

"You made a hologram too, I see."

"Be damned if I'm not around to watch my son grow up."

Dr. Light rolled his eyes.

"Always the overachiever. You decided to live your dream vicariously by helping Zero attain world domination?"

"Yes. My body was already old when I made him. But he…" Wily's ghost hand touched his creation's forehead where _his_ W had been imprinted years ago, "He will live forever."

"It does not seem that way."  
Wily snorted.

"Nothing's wrong with his brain. That halfbreed freak doesn't know well enough to destroy, only maim."

"Considering your kind words, Sigma would be better off alone."

"I need my minions… as you need yours."  
Dr. Light made a show of brushing off his eternally clean lab coat.

"X has the ability to make his own…"

"Oh? So those myriad armour capsules, even the one where Eurasia crashed, were _his _idea?"

Dr. Light smiled.

"You will notice I upgraded Zero's systems."  
Wily barked a short laugh.

"Shadows and mirrors. The Dark Energy I infused him with… _that _is all the power he will ever need."  
Bitterness grew a scowl on Wily's face.

"But he resists it, fights it. Why does he not welcome that which gives him power?"

Dr. Light's smile broadened.

"Children will always rebel against their parents."

"Except _yours, _forever playing the hero!"

"That's because I spend time with him, Albert, unlike _you."_

As usual, the children did not speak while their parents squabbled.

888

More astonishing than the weakening of the Zero Virus ravaging planet Earth was X's return.

"Hey Alia…" he smiled. He was fully repaired, but without the armour that bore the sun on its wings.

"Megaman X! Where have you been all night?"

"Well, y'see, there was this bald guy…"

"I'll have none of that lip, young man! Go to your room!"

"Yes, mom."

Alia closed the front door behind him, and noticed with surprise Zero's saber attached to his back.

"What is that you've picked up from outside?"

X cringed.

"It's just a saber…"

"You've been seeing that Zero, haven't you? What did we tell you about him?"

"But we didn't…"

"Answer me!"

Signas strolled into the base foyer.

"Hey, now, what goes on here?"

Alia pointed a cross finger at their blue boy.

"Your… _Hunter… _has been picking up strange things from outside."

"The Z-Saber without Zero? Now that _is _strange. What happened, X?"

He told them.

888

The Ray-Ban suits sat in conference, main screen turned on to the happenings in Maverick Hunter HQ.

"Unexpected. He survived. Production can continue as normal."

"What of the _other _anomaly? The people want him, not the blue one."

"He is attached to the less popular one; he will return if he is sought."

"An observation: because no-one hangs Zero with the weight of their expectations, he frequently exceeds their hopes."

"That is a correct observation, gentlemen."

The ghost of Wily passed through their midst.

"Greetings, sir."

"Spare me formalities. Is the next game underway?"

"Yes, sir. The sixth installation of the Megaman X series will hit shelves within three weeks."

"Good."

"Sir? Another observation: security records of the American girl whom we held captive as game tester show that she finished the sixth game in less than one hour."

"So? There are greater gaming prodigies among our people."

"That's just it, sir. Most gamers prefer to finish a game in its completeness. She went directly for the final stages using the loopholes we programmed. It is as though she is capable of… predicting the path of wars."

"Hmm. What is her name?"

"Hannah Sears."

"I have noticed that she is attached to my son, and influences his actions to an extent. Perhaps we can persuade her to see things my way, and in doing so, convince my errant offspring of the error of his heroic ways."

"Very good, sir."

"'Very good?'" he mocked, "I am a genius."

888

"Merf. I miss him."

"Me too, Hanny."

She and X were sitting on the roof of her house, watching a Pennsylvanian sunset. Her home had been reconstructed kudos to Douglas, who thought her house was as good a place as any to begin planetary recovery efforts.

"Where'd he go?"

"Dunno. I hope I don't have to rebuild him, ala war number two."

"You have his saber."

Hannah had been awarded an honorary license to wield her beam saber. After wrangling over the subject, nobody saw the harm in it. The American government didn't care; the thing was safer than a firearm. X removed his saber from his back. Its gold plating reflected the setting sun.

"It's like the third war. He was critically injured…"

"And told you to destroy them all with that. You sure did. Two slashes and Sigma was toast."

"Heh, you played the game."

"_All _of them. Want to know what happens in the next war?"

X's face fell.

"Not again!"

She smiled.

"You'll meet him again."

It was as though X had been handed his very first Christmas present. So the two talked into the night, both possessing a little piece of the hero who was a Zero.

888**END**888

Author's note:

It is said that a writer imprints his psychosis on his works. In turn, the reader's subconscious is affected and some of the psychosis is transferred. I wish to assure you, dear reader, that you have not been affected by my psychotic mind. You were crazy to begin with.


End file.
